Love is eternal bond between us.
Even when we are far apart we know what each other is thinking,and when we are together we complete each others thoughts.
We will always have some differences but we will always break through them.
It brings us closer together.
We will always complete each others hearts.
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Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
I am very sad to say that I agree with the others when I say; what were you thinking?
The structure; all wrong and it just doesn't work, messing up the flow; the rhythm; the meaning and the overall gripping factor. As soon as I read the first line, I was certainly not hooked but instead puzzled and bored. You're first line or two should grip the reader and make them want to read more, holding them till the last second before the last lines blow them away. This did not happen in this poem.
This is the first time I have ever said this to someone; I think you should either scrap this poem completely or edit it dramatically. So dramaticaly infact that it is no longer recognisable.
Gadi pretty much said it all. But if you do choose to rewrite this rather than scrap it, be sure your lines are more of a uniform length. This had the look of a love note scribbled on a Post-it note tacked to the refridgerator door or something, not anything anyone really wants to read. Everything you had in the poem has already been said.
Sorry to disappoint you....but this is rather terrible.
Now, don't get all depressed--it's just that I hate cliches! And this poem was one cliche after another. I mean, how many times has love been described as "an enternal bond"? And who has never read a sentence starting with "we complete each other's sentences/thoughts"?
This poem has no potential, only because it's so full of cliches. (God that's harsh). I suggest you trash it and add some sparks to new poems.
Here are some tips:
Rewrite the cliche in a new way. "We complete each other's thoughts" could be "Magnets can complete each other's thoughts too", or something like that.
Replace words in cliches. "Love is the shatterproof chains between us"
Finally, for the most obvious one: If you think about an expression or word that you've heard before in the same context, don't use it.
PM me for questions!